Rachel Aytes SOS Grad

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Lynna mentioned on the lab chat replay that Motivate Your Child will be our next book club read, and I wanted to let everyone know the Kindle version is currently on sale for $3.49.

It’s been so helpful to go through this again. I’m finding it easier and more natural to use the tools I’ve learned.

I have a sensitive child who is easily hurt and struggles when her feelings are hurt. She often has what I feel is a distorted view of the magnitude or frequency of the wrong, and I find it difficult to help her talk it through. Sometimes it seems that talking about it only reinforces her distorted view. I’m not an overly sensitive person, and honestly sometimes I can’t tell whether it’s my impatience and desire to move on or her sensitivity that is the issue. Most likely both. Any ideas on how to help her?

I know this question is a bit involved, so if it would be better submitted to the lab chat Q&A I can do that.

The difference between an apology motivated by defensiveness and a true sorrowing with the person who has been hurt really stuck out to me this time through.

I appreciated the encouragement to talk about things that get in the way of relationship even if I think the offended party should be able to overlook it.

Also, I would like help my children better apply the tips for how to talk. The stopping can be so hard. Often I’m quick to just jump in a settle it instead of encouraging them to stop.

It’s good to be reminded that I need to spend a lot of time in the “We do it together phase.” I tend to forget that and look for a “new” or “better” technique instead of patiently staying the course.

I love the two suggestions for modeling healthy reconciliation, especially being generous with our apologies and asking the person I've wronged to remove that example from the list of evidence of the true nature of our relationship. So good.

Conflict between two of my kids seems to escalate very quickly. I find it hard to get one of these kids to a place where she can calmly talk and listen. I think that’s my biggest challenge in trustworthy mediation. On tough days, when this dynamic seems to be at work ALL day, I can get worn out.

This is often my initial reaction to sibling conflict. Thankfully, I’m recognizing it more so that I can shift my mindset. That’s probably my biggest win from last time through the SOS, being able to recognize and shift my response.

I’ve listened to this module 2 or 3 times and always appreciate the perspective of reframing my role in sibling conflict.