@Rita Guihan 40 , even if this isn't something you've personally experienced, I think what you're seeing in your boys is very normal. They are figuring out who they are and how that is different from or the same as others around them. They may be dealing with insecurities and handling those insecurities by thinking of themselves as better than others. I think we all have a tendency to do that sometimes - even to distance ourselves morally from our children and to think of ourselves as morally superior to them when really, we're more alike than we are different.
I think the first step in being able to address this problem from a gracious perspective is to see how you can identify with them. We don't all have exactly the same struggles, but we all have the same sorts of struggles. Whatever someone else is facing, we ourselves have that same temptation in some variety or other. I know you're not seeing that right now because your boys' behavior feels foreign and odd to you.
I'd encourage you to "zoom out". Think of your boys' struggles in more broad terms - as broad as you need to go until you can see some parallels between their struggles and yours. Who do you not like being around? Who are you tempted to feel superior towards? Can you go to your boys and say, "I know what it's like to struggle with this. Here's a way mama struggles with this. This is what I do or what I say to myself when I have that struggle"?
The biggest difference between kids and grown-ups is that kids say what they're actually thinking, while grown ups know how to play the game in more socially acceptable ways. Your boys aren't so terrible. They're just more transparent!